Lost In the Dark
by Demona Evernight
Summary: What if there was another person from John's past that would be willing to help him when he was at his lowest? What if after New Castle he abandoned her, pushed her away, like all the others? When another calls for her help for him will she go or let him rot in the Darkness he created for himself? What if she needed to be saved just as badly as John? Can either of them be saved?
1. Chapter 1

I don't own anything from Constantine just my Oc

* * *

Do you remember when you were a wee babe, when you were still innocent and the only thing you had to fear was the monsters you thought were under your bed or in your closet only to find they were a forgotten sweater or beloved stuffed animal casting shadows. Remember how you were only afraid of the dark cause you couldn't see and a mere nightlight was all it took to chase the shadows away. For most of you, you grew up and the dark and fake monsters lost their hold on you, you knew there was nothing there to be afraid of anymore cause you could take care of yourself and the monsters were no longer real. For people like me that was never an option.

You see when I look into the dark abyss, the abyss looks straight back at me.

* * *

Chas lowered himself into the sewer that John and Annie had gone down into to retrieve the stolen children. Annie had gotten out, but John had yet to emerge.

"John?" Chas called out for his friend hoping to not find him dead "John." he reiterated when he saw him leaned up against one of the sewer walls

"Ah Chas." John groaned

"What happened?" Chas asked him one hand on John's shoulder the other on his knee

"It's bad, it's really bloody bad. Let's get out of here." John breathed out

John groaned as Chas helped him up and out of the sewer, as they were climbing the church stairs John asked "Anne Marie? She made it out alright then?"

"She seemed fine. Question is what happened to you?" Chas asked him again

"Ah she's quick on her feet our girl. She used the copper's gun, she left me behind to stall the hungry Invunche." John answered casually

"She shot you?" Chas asked sounding slightly surprised

"A bloody nun. It's a new low. Can't say I didn't deserve it though." John answered

"How'd you survive the Invunche?" Chas asked John as they stopped at the Church courtyard

"Th-the only way I could. I cast off my spiritual protection. Invited the demon Puzuzu in take my body for a spin. Unholy bastards first order of business was to heal it's h-host." John answered twitching every once in a while sweat already glistening on his skin

"You're possessed by a demon?" Chas asked blandly

"I feel surprisingly good. Demonic permeation's like a flu. There's an incubation period between first infection and full on possession. I figure I got a couple of days before it takes up permanent residence." John told him talking quickly as he continued on his way

"John stop. What if you can't get it out?" Chas asked him

"Well then you'll just have to finish what Anne Marie started." John said as Chas shook his head "Kill me."

"You can't ask me to do that." Chas breathed in disbelief

John chuckled breathlessly " It's alright mate. I've been carrying hell around with me my whole life. How much worse can the actual place be?" John asked hypothetically

"We're not there yet. What's your plan?" Chas asked gravely

"More of a gamble. Self-exorcism." John said seriously

"You're kidding?"Chas asked in disbelief

"I wish I was. I need my bag. We need to move fast." John replied gravely serious

"An exorcism for an exorcist. I don't know John." Chas hesitated

"Not like we really have a choice mate. We're outta options." John argued

"What about contacting Ash? Maybe she could help us." Chas suggested

As they were walking across the courtyard John froze his whole body stiffening and choking.

"John?" Chas asked worried and confused

John started breathing heavily drool foaming out of his mouth and onto the ground.

"You can beat this John fight it!" Chas encouraged his friend coming forward to face him

"Chas! I can't." John said though his voice was pained and distorted

"Do it! Fight it!" Chas yelled grabbing his friends arms

John's head lowered only to snap back up, but his eyes were no longer the familiar blue that everyone who saw him knew him by, but a demonic red.

"I will not be cast out!" A demonic voice rasped from between John's lips as he thrust his hands forward launching Chas clear across the courtyard

As Chas laid there John began choking again and turned and ran away as fast as he could.

* * *

People like me we only really get two options in life, either ignore the ability we've been given live a half life isolated from everyone and everything and maybe get a chance at a better existence in the next world or use it to help those who can't help themselves. Those who are so lost in the dark that no light can penetrate it. Those that would otherwise be too far gone for salvation. I am one of few who can give it to them, but salvation of that kind comes at a hefty price for the one giving it. People like me who use there gift are more often than not doomed for the salvation they give others is not for themselves. We give them a second chance at a better place, but those sins gotta go somewhere, can't just let 'em roam free. That'd be like Pandora's box all over again.

* * *

"John Constantine last I 'eard of him he was checked outta the world and into a looney bin. He's not in this fight anymore s'far as I know. So tell me Annie what reason do ya have fer trackin' me down? Hm?" I questioned the projection of my old acquaintance

To tell ya the truth Anne Marie hadn't changed much in the years since we all split up. She was still a bit shorter than me, with straight brown hair and judging brown eyes set into an innocent looking face. Only now it seemed she had joined a convent cause she was wearing the habit of a nun.

"John needs your help. Help only you can give him...being what you are." Anne explained to me

"Ah so John went up against some big nasty without a backup plan and now he needs me to cleanse him of the filth he's gotten himself into?" I drawled lazily

"I'm afraid it's much worse than that. And it's partly my fault." Anne admitted guilt flowing off her

"Well isn't that soemthin' new. The great Anne Marie Flynn admitting that she holds as much guilt in a wrong doing as the other party...never thought I'd see the day." I snipped sarcastically "So what has the old omadhaun* gotten into?"

"John...I shot John in order to get away from an Invunche after a sister of Eve had stolen two infants. Do to my error in judgement John cast the demon king Pazuzu into himself." She told me guilt lighting her face in flying colors

"Hold on, my hearing must not be what it used to cause I coulda sworn ye jus' said that Johnny boy 'as got 'imself possess by a demon _king_!" I nearly yelled my Scottish brogue thickening

Annie winced, but didn't say anything more.

"That glaikit* gallus* bowfing* leam-leat* shinach* ." I spurted out probably faster than Annie could understand and if she could she might pale at all the swears

I marched my way over to my bag and started throwing my clothes back into it.

"What are you doing?" Annie asked me hesitant of riling my temper after it had just broken

"I'm gonna save that dumbarse just so I can be the one to kick his arse when I'm finished." I told her sharply my rage held back behind the flood gates again for now

"So you'll come?" Annie asked hope ringing in her voice

"Aye, I'll come and Johnny boy better pray real hard tha' the demon gets to 'im afore I do. Cause I'mma give 'im 'ell fer this. Of all the stupid..." I rambled off as I finished packing

* * *

* Omadhaun- fool, simpleton, idiot

*Glaikit- thoughtless

*Gallus- cheeky, bold, arrogant attitude

*Bowfing- horrible

*Leam-leat- fickle

*Shinach- sly bastard


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own anything on Constantine or the Sin Eater I just own my Oc

* * *

Anne Marie told me they were in Mexico, that all the trouble had gone down in her convent and that John had ran off and gotten himself thrown in jail because Pazuzu decided to tear apart a couple of gang members. I had to hurry there were some things even I couldn't do...not while I was like this. Even now my skin was a pallor most would associate with death and I had a sheen of cold sweat across my face...this would probably be it...my last good deed before the end of it all. In a way I was relieved, no more staring into the abyss to have it stare back, no more seeing others misdeeds, no feeling the dark sludge coating people's souls and feeling bound to help whether I wanted to or not, no more feeling that sludge coat my own soul and stick and putrefy like a corpse left in the desert sun.

I was tired...more tired than I had been me whole life and it was about time I finally rested. Just one more thing left to do before I go home.

* * *

I found the place pretty easy, not hard when you can feel the sin oozing off the place like a smog and sludge filled sewer that's got a leak. Luckily for me Chas is an easy guy to spot.

"Ok...either I've gone completely insane or you're really standing here in front of me." Chas drawled sarcasm and surprise mixing in his voice

"Well, yer already craicte* as any of us here so I'd say I'm really standin' 'ere." I answered him giving a weak half smile

"Wait, just who are you?" The brown curly haired Latino looking woman with Chas asked looking at both of us confused

"Zed this is Ash, Ash Zed. Ash here is a Sin Eater." Chas introduced to the confused woman

"What's a sin eater?" Zed asked eyebrows furrowed

"Well, a leanaibh* a Sin Eater is a person who can take on t'e sins tha' others 'ave committed givin' em a free ride t'e Heaven." I explained in short simple terms

"And how do you do that?" She asked

"Now tha's the question innit? Don't know. Some people er jus' chosen ta do this. No rhyme er reason. They jus' can." I tell her honestly

"So is it inherited?" Zed asked still not satisfied

"Don't think so. Most Sin Eaters never reproduce so I wouldn't know tha' one. Maybe." I answered

"And why not? Why don't Sin Eaters have kids?" Zed asked sounding just a bit sad for me

"Cause 'ow would you feel tryin' to snuggle up to yer cridh*an' all ye can see is all the things he's ever done wrong. Ya try ter close yer eyes forget what ya saw, but it's already there inside yer head and all the victims are screamin' in yer ears and all their hurts become yer hurts. Enough to drive anyone mad innit? Now imagine even if ya did get through all that and ye winded up pregnant would you want yer babe to suffer the same fate? Of never knowin' peace or laughter? To have their whole childhood ripped asunder jus' so a few who have lost their way can do as they please without repercussions? Doesn't seem fair...does it?" I explained to her

"Ash...how long has it been since you've cleansed?" Chas asked giving me a wary look after I was done ranting and raving at the now cowed girl that was giving me all the pity of her little light heart

"Not sure anymore...time drags on ferever when you've got the demons of others playin' their favorite tune in yer head. How longs it been since Newcastle?" I asked honestly barely recalling past all the screams of the desperate, pained, and confused in me head

"Jesus Christ Ash you haven't cleansed since Newcastle?!" Chas cried out hand going to his head

"Actually a bit before that. Johnny boy wanted to make sure I could help the best I could...didn't change anythin' though did it?" I said rhetorically

"Ash this is bad, what did you think you were gonna be able to do against a demon king coming here in this condition?" Chas asked me giving me a look usually reserved for John

"I was plannin' on savin' the poor bastard and finally goin' home." I said tiredly letting the pain and sorrow bleed into my voice no longer able to hold it back in front of such a trusted friend

"Wait you're not saying..."Chas trailed off his face becoming even more serious than usual

"Aye, seana-charaid*, this'll be me last party best make sure it's a good one. Wanna go out with a bang ya know." I told him nodding my head a sad resolute smile on my face "So, now that all the gloom and doom is out fer us to see why don' we get this show on da road. Doubt Johnny boy is doin' so hot right now, better get him cleansed and out before it's too late eh?"

* * *

Turns out the idiots didn't have a plan to get in let alone get out, luckily for me and Zed money talks with this kind of place and we got in with no resistance. Chas on the other hand didn't seem to have the same ease and decided it would be a good idea to punch the guard and get a beating before being dragged inside...idiot.

* * *

Zed and I were lead to a dirty room with the window covered by yellowed newspaper and a disgusting bed that I didn't want to even think about what had been done to it and when it had last been cleaned, the couch didn't look much better so I opted to stand and gave Zed a wary look when she just plopped down on the bed to wait for John to be brought to us.

John came in ten, fifteen minutes later and if I hadn't been leaning against the wall I would have been put on me arse from the force of the sin rollin' offa him in waves, a darkness I hadn't been affected by in a while...but I was weak right now so I shook it off as best I could. Yeah this would definitely be me last one, kinda fitting that it should be him.

"We know what this looks like Johnny boy, but don' be gettin' anymore o' them ideas yer so fond of." I told him and almost smiled with how he jumped a mile in the air at me voice

He turned to me and I gotta say he looked like hell, I could see the Darkness had affected him so much already. His eyes were red rimed and he had a splatter of red blood on his white shirt, his face was paler than ever and he had a sheen of dried sweat all over him.

"Ash...what are you doin' in a place like this?" John breathed his eyes wide surprise and shock all over his face

"Saint Annie felt some o' that Catholic guilt me Gran was always goin' on about and saw fit to contact me to give you some help. From the looks of it ya definitely need it Johnny boy yer in trouble in an awfully bad way right now." I told him

"You shouldn't be here Ash, bright spot like you should know better. Places like this take it right out of you and you know it." John scolded me

"Ya needed a friend ta help John. So I came. Would have come sooner had ya asked, but like always ya never do." I half smiled sadly

He just stared at me a moment before violent shaking started to take over his body, but the closer I got the more he backed up holding the possession mark on his arm telling me and Zed no until he had fallen over and onto the couch.

"Let me get that outta ya John, before it really sticks." I say softly reaching my right hand out palm down fingers reaching for him

* * *

Craicte -crazy, mental, cracked

Cridh- heart, term of affection

Seana-charaid- old friend


End file.
